​Bipolar Phantasmagoria

I want to kill the voices in my head,

Like the things that keep me awake, 

Like a bump in the night,

I want to wake up and just hear myself,

Make sense of the nonsense, 

And have stillness for once,

You see the devil truly does sit on ones shoulder,

He does so only to taunt,

And to laugh at your confusion,

He makes you take notice, 

Stirs up your emotions,

Like a roundabout spinning faster in motion,
I reach out to catch a piece of myself,

A moment for once,

That can stay clear of the commotion,
I am a person although misunderstood,

My mind fights against me, yet my heart is still good,

I’m told I will find peace when I sleep, 

Yet my sleep seems to hide from me,

Like a mistake has been made.

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Broken Dreams 

I lay awake some nights, as sleep evades me, 

So I watch the darkness turn back to light.
The shadows that once peeked in through the window disappear to show only shards of light.
The night a distant memory, like the sleep I used to have.

Dreams aren’t always seen in sleep, they can be imagined, and lived in any hour, some of us hide there when life gets to much,  holding on to better memories, or living in our own minds.

My mind is a sanctuary, a library of sorts, where I live when I feel fragile,  and I find things I love…

Books I have read,  sights I have seen,  every image I have captured on camera,  the films and plays I have enjoyed.

This is my escape from the broken dreams,  without this I would not be of this world. 

This Bird Has Crashed, Baby – Andy H

The booze makes an early riser

 Dry lips and

Ex-girlfriends in my
Dreams. I must be ill.

Outside, the crows of
October mark their return
And I light another cigarette
In the dark, balls swinging

In-between, and play out
The play for all it is,
Paying the price for my
Independence and realising

I need no-one anymore.
She messages me to
Enquire of any improvement.
“Still full of **** snot”,

I reply, separated by this
Damned Atlantic, wishing you
Or anyone were here
To lay my head on those

Warm and milky breasts.
You tell me about your
Son and I suspect him on
The spectrum but what do

I know? I’m just another
Man that wipes his arse
Clean and fluctuates on
The edge of my own personal

Madness. “I do love talking
To you”, she says. Without
Any hint of horse-trading,
I type back, ”Me too”. I see

The dots as she types and
Await her answers.

The Deal – Cloudgrey

i put a lot of pressure on myself

by now i should be proud of what i’ve done
only i’ve been used to sell you out
you weren’t good enough on your own
so you take my precious sentiment
and make believe i was ever even a part of it

Unfound – Me

​I want to live my life, not just survive,

I want to love with all my heart, 

To be sound of my own mind,
I’d give anything to just feel happy,  without guilt, 

To know that actions mattered as well as words,

To look in the mirror and see,

To not doubt my very self to be, 
I feel so much,  even when I wish not to, 

I see through others eyes, not just my own,

One day someone will understand,

Until that day I am unfound

Darkness Rising – LillithAsylum 

I feel the darkness in me-

and it’s slowly rising
  Tears well up in my eyes-
and I doubt if i’m alive &
you say you love me 
  it’s a different ball game now
i’m not the same person- 
you used to know & joke about

  I’ve seen worlds of pain –
blood shed before my eyes
  Raped and abused –
and razor blade filled lullabies 
  I’ve been on so much meds-
that I’d just black out 
so much meth, 
that I’d forget perceptions of time
  & reality-
It’s all one big blurred up line

    Half the **** y’all talk about –
I can’t remember
I just smile-
and nod-like
“Yeah holy **** it’s been forever”
  can you imagine-
        not remembering your life,
        the friends you knew-
the people who hugged you while you cried

    Yet you’ll never know
cause I don’t think I’ll ever tell you
  this darkness rising-
it likes to keep me isolated

The Wanderers – Roman Payne

She was a free bird one minute: queen of the world and laughing. The next minute she would be in tears like a porcelain angel, about to teeter, fall and break. She never cried because she was afraid that something ‘would’ happen; she would cry because she feared something that could render the world more beautiful, ‘would not’ happen.

Roman PayneThe Wanderess

Dissociation and negativity, I want to breathe without you pulling down on me! 

​There are some days I wonder if I’ve truly woken up, whether I’m being controlled by some gamer or by a puppeteer pulling invisible strings. 

Life can feel quite daunting sometimes, I’m somewhat disassociated, someone else in control of the words that leave my mouth. The urge to shout profanities like a upcoming sneeze. I hold it so hard I can no longer breathe… I feel like someone is pulling me from beneath.
I have shown feelings to people I’ve trusted with my heart,  I’ve taken time to help them understand who I truly am, I’m not a simple person, I’m not a simple soul, but I am worth knowing, I know this of myself. 
My needs are not many, my feelings complete… I will fight the negativity with every part of myself. 
I am stronger than I give myself credit for, and I have doubted myself…  There have been moments when the negative thoughts have overtaken the positivity I try to hold close. 
I keep on getting up…  I won’t give up…  I will always fight for the better parts of myself