The Deal – Cloudgrey

i put a lot of pressure on myself

by now i should be proud of what i’ve done
only i’ve been used to sell you out
you weren’t good enough on your own
so you take my precious sentiment
and make believe i was ever even a part of it

Unfound – Me

​I want to live my life, not just survive,

I want to love with all my heart, 

To be sound of my own mind,
I’d give anything to just feel happy,  without guilt, 

To know that actions mattered as well as words,

To look in the mirror and see,

To not doubt my very self to be, 
I feel so much,  even when I wish not to, 

I see through others eyes, not just my own,

One day someone will understand,

Until that day I am unfound

Darkness Rising – LillithAsylum 

I feel the darkness in me-

and it’s slowly rising
  Tears well up in my eyes-
and I doubt if i’m alive &
you say you love me 
  it’s a different ball game now
i’m not the same person- 
you used to know & joke about

  I’ve seen worlds of pain –
blood shed before my eyes
  Raped and abused –
and razor blade filled lullabies 
  I’ve been on so much meds-
that I’d just black out 
so much meth, 
that I’d forget perceptions of time
  & reality-
It’s all one big blurred up line

    Half the **** y’all talk about –
I can’t remember
I just smile-
and nod-like
“Yeah holy **** it’s been forever”
  can you imagine-
        not remembering your life,
        the friends you knew-
the people who hugged you while you cried

    Yet you’ll never know
cause I don’t think I’ll ever tell you
  this darkness rising-
it likes to keep me isolated

The Wanderers – Roman Payne

She was a free bird one minute: queen of the world and laughing. The next minute she would be in tears like a porcelain angel, about to teeter, fall and break. She never cried because she was afraid that something ‘would’ happen; she would cry because she feared something that could render the world more beautiful, ‘would not’ happen.

Roman PayneThe Wanderess

Dissociation and negativity, I want to breathe without you pulling down on me! 

​There are some days I wonder if I’ve truly woken up, whether I’m being controlled by some gamer or by a puppeteer pulling invisible strings. 

Life can feel quite daunting sometimes, I’m somewhat disassociated, someone else in control of the words that leave my mouth. The urge to shout profanities like a upcoming sneeze. I hold it so hard I can no longer breathe… I feel like someone is pulling me from beneath.
I have shown feelings to people I’ve trusted with my heart,  I’ve taken time to help them understand who I truly am, I’m not a simple person, I’m not a simple soul, but I am worth knowing, I know this of myself. 
My needs are not many, my feelings complete… I will fight the negativity with every part of myself. 
I am stronger than I give myself credit for, and I have doubted myself…  There have been moments when the negative thoughts have overtaken the positivity I try to hold close. 
I keep on getting up…  I won’t give up…  I will always fight for the better parts of myself

Sadness is calling  – Lois Ann Sinead

No one understands, 

i cant think straight.
What was that?
Voices hate. 

Trying my hardest,
falling apart. 
So you tell me im crazy?
dont even start. 

Struggling with Bi-Polar, 
unmedicated unwell. 
I cant help im all over the place,
the devil has my soul. 

I’m sorry im a waste of space, 
im sorry you cant see.
But whats going on inside my head,
is slowly killing me…..

Feeling Thoughtful 

​When there are times when I wonder why the world has become such a scary place, I withdraw myself from it, put headphones in my ears and listen to music.

I give life a new soundtrack, and take in that world with my other senses. I see it through my own eye, and take in its vibrant colours which constantly change with the weather and light. 

I take in the different scents, and the feel of the warm sun on my face, or the wind, or even the cold droplets of rain that fall from the clouds.  

Life is an interesting concept, something we are brought into without true thought… We are influenced by so many different things,  but it is our choice to learn about life,  to make our own decisions, and be a person we truly aspire to be. 

A lot of people follow,  some feel they won’t fit in if they don’t. There is no right or wrong way to be if you’re yourself.

I’ve come to realise that there are people who will take the time to get to know me,  and others who will judge me by first glance. 

I’ve learnt that if you judge a book by its cover, you can miss so much. I would always take the time to read a few pages first before I decide.

I know that life can be short,  but I hope to live mine in the best way I can, I try not to let my anxiety overtake me. I strive to better myself with every day that passes, to express myself through art and writing. 

To be able to give people who are unable to express themselves a voice through their words,  or art, for me this is my way of giving back…  Giving them a chance to not lock those feelings inside…

To fight the stigma,  and create a world where mental ill health isn’t ignored.

The world can be a scary place, let’s make it a better place… One day at a time.

Shackled in the mind’s domain – Anon

Exists a source of latent bane;

Ensnared in logic’s cunning ruse

A nameless demon will abuse.
Deprived of certain circumstance
Diverging paths demand a chance;
Without intention one will find
Progress down a course unkind.
One day manic, the next morose,
Impulsive panic, lachrymose.
Incessant flux will exhaust
And mute vitality must accost.
An affliction of the whole
Branding marks upon the soul.
Fractious thoughts into dolor,
Endeavor to control Bipolar.