There are times when I wish I could wake up, thinking life is just a vivid nightmare I’m stuck within. I imagine that Earth is just a marble being played in an intergalactic game of time and space.
I wonder why people fear my mental illness, my diagnosis is just that… It doesn’t define my personality, or who I truly am.
I watch the news and see these groups bombing, shooting, killing, and see what real madness is… I am not a threat, I can rationalise… And understand right from wrong.
I worry that I may never be taken seriously, or trusted by those close… There is so much that is unknown about my future, yet with every day there is something that keeps me wanting to push on.
Life is far from easy, a rollercoaster ride of emotion, I hope that I’m strong enough to hold on tight.
The darkness claims your mind again,
a wealth of hidden angst and pain.
Bipolar madness takes the reins,
the ship of memories surges, strains.
The mood swings down into a well,
you then withdraw into your shell.
The panic grips and sweat erupts,
your mental peace of mind disrupts.
You struggle now to take a breath,
and battle you with thoughts of death.
But then the pills begin to work,
before you flip and go berserk.
Recedes the dark from whence it came,
leaving the hell of guilt and shame.
sanity, tranquility, use
blue, colossal, depression
Every faint goodbye
Just keep lowering
When I open my eyes
The softness of sleep
pops into churning waters
What a way to meet the day,
it’s morning again.
A good day yesterday
doubles the worry
about a bad day today.
Self-knowledge is no
IS it really death that I fear?
Exercise helps keep the demons at bay.
At Twilight the longing for
the softness of sleep
I walk through these woods
As twilight deepens, sun sighing
Itself to sleep, and I wonder
About this mystery called self
Does the night have eyes
To wisen and watch my descent
Into far corners of yesterday
Back when you were whole and free
To tell me to **** off and go
Fold the laundry already
Stop watching me, why the hell
Are you always **** WATCHING ME
I turn my head away, grateful
For the raunchy yet welcome respite
Because honestly it’s unbearably
Lonely watching you willfully
To kill your former self.
Down a twisted, darkening well
Straight jackets croon. A padded cell.
White cotton whispers, sighs
You worry tattered, frayed edges
Grasping threads, mismatched lengths
Each one a lie you told yourself
I can drink one more bottle
I can take one more hit
This is my chance man
To dance naked in a lightning storm
Even God can’t stop me now
I am all-knowing, king of the wind
Watch me fly fearless and free
Watch me mommy, watch meeeee…
Watch me grovel, twist and torque
Writhing my body wormlike
I would eat the darkening earth
Anything, anything at all to feel numb
To be a boy again. A boy
Who so loved the world
He flew high and free
Just us, man. Icarus. You. Me.