It’s probably the most annoying question that could possibly be asked. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so!

I even worry when I start to feel happy that someone may ask if I am slightly if not full blown manic! Am I not allowed to feel good? To actually feel happy for real? Rather than the fake happiness I sometimes try to portray…  To seem normal. 

My medication is something I have taken every day since my diagnosis…  And even beforehand.
There are times however when I wonder why I am taking them…  When for over a year now
have had little if no effect on my mentality.

I feel like I am permenantly low.., fighting each day to get out of my pit and face the day. Anxiety has overtaken many of my actual functions… And I actually hate that it still smacks me in the face, when I least expect it to.

Even the simplest task seems like a mission, being around people has been horrendous…  The crowds of Christmas, I’ve left shops without shopping, started crying because I cannot actually stand to be anywhere else but home.

This has affected work,  and my uni life… And in the past caused me to fail. BUT I won’t let it…  I’m fighting every day for help with it.  I know the CBT tricks…  And I try to put them into practice.

Trust me…  I know when I’m beat…  So if I walk away from a situation, I haven’t lost, I’m just taking time out to regain the strength to start again.

Yes I am strong…  But when I ask for help… I need it!

I wish the mental health services would not judge me by a single moment, and listen to the struggles I am having.

Attempt to change the medication which is not touching the surface.

In time…  I hope it changes and government stop cutting funds to much needed services. I’m fighting to change this…  I hope to gain support from the many charities out there… As things need to change in mental health, for the better!


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