It’s probably the most annoying question that could possibly be asked. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks so!
I even worry when I start to feel happy that someone may ask if I am slightly if not full blown manic! Am I not allowed to feel good? To actually feel happy for real? Rather than the fake happiness I sometimes try to portray… To seem normal.
My medication is something I have taken every day since my diagnosis… And even beforehand.
There are times however when I wonder why I am taking them… When for over a year now
have had little if no effect on my mentality.
I feel like I am permenantly low.., fighting each day to get out of my pit and face the day. Anxiety has overtaken many of my actual functions… And I actually hate that it still smacks me in the face, when I least expect it to.
Even the simplest task seems like a mission, being around people has been horrendous… The crowds of Christmas, I’ve left shops without shopping, started crying because I cannot actually stand to be anywhere else but home.
This has affected work, and my uni life… And in the past caused me to fail. BUT I won’t let it… I’m fighting every day for help with it. I know the CBT tricks… And I try to put them into practice.
Trust me… I know when I’m beat… So if I walk away from a situation, I haven’t lost, I’m just taking time out to regain the strength to start again.
Yes I am strong… But when I ask for help… I need it!
I wish the mental health services would not judge me by a single moment, and listen to the struggles I am having.
Attempt to change the medication which is not touching the surface.
In time… I hope it changes and government stop cutting funds to much needed services. I’m fighting to change this… I hope to gain support from the many charities out there… As things need to change in mental health, for the better!